Wednesday, 30 March 2011

we are the best!

so, i did predict that we will win the semi final. i mean, i knew we were slated for a big win when our team showed up well groomed. everyone heaved a big sigh of relief when the pakistanis had to score 30 runs in the last delivery. no one knew how the game would end till then, lot of nailbiting in the stands when the score was 229 with 3 balls to go - anything could've happened! i know, 30 runs in the last 2 deliveries is a big task but we also know how sneaky the other team can be....
well, laissez-faire, mon amis.
most memorable image of the match in mohali, 30 march 2011?
manmohanji furtively clapping at indian win the moment pm gilani looks the other way.
most misunderstood newsflash after the match?
"after mohali match, the two govts conduct favourable talks".
what really occurred is this: manmohanji successfully got pm gilani to pass the salt during post-game dinner and both agreed that the food was extremely oily.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

sri lankan team has qualified for the WCC final! did anyone hear that? it was in that tiny newsfeed at the end of the tv screen, while i was watching The Debate - who will win the "final before the Final?" it is the same mindset the indian team had at the 2003 WCC - so what if they did not bring the Cup home, they did defeat the green brigade in Pool A qualifier! some consolation.

Monday, 28 March 2011

on "why we should have atleast one tv channel's newsroom on speed-dial"

me: hello, is this TIMES NOW news channel?
TN: yes.
me: ok, i have been following your news about the tax evader hassan ali and for the last ten minutes you have misspelled "prison". (rpison). this is so shameful and it is such a simple word.
TN: why don't you change the channel then?
me: why don't you correct the spelling instead?

5 minutes later...

me: TIMES NOW? ok, thanks for correcting the spelling!
TN: we are very stressed (?) in the newsroom here and next time don't be so rude (?!!).

problem solved.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

the team that wins the toss, wins the match!

so. indian team lies basking in glory. the other team grits their teeth, scowls at cheering crowds and frowns into tv cameras. enough said.
man of the match - yuvraj. in the past, suitably modest cricketers have dedicated their victory/trophy/prize money to "someone special". but we have done one better. yuvi has dedicated his wc to that someone special. he said it not once, but many many times, "my wc is for a special someone"! i am sure the mysterious person is thrilled while the rest of the world is surprised.
moving on.
next wednesday, IST 2.30pm. "clash of the legends!" or "clash of the legends who will re-write history!"
till then, speculative analysis by pondrous cricket-has-beens and giggling "sports presenters".

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

what if we lost the match today?

"the titans clash once again!" this is to announce the impending WCC match between india and australia today at IST 2.30pm, in a city of a state run by one mr narendra modi. the only image the word "titan" brings up on the indian mind is of aamir khan, actor associated with the brand, so a lot of us are going around deeply confused. never mind. will this match overshadow the amazing (as in "strange" and "hmm.mmmm")performance of the pakistani team against the west indians? yes. will the previously played matches fade into oblivion and all those players who have sweated and swatted (flies, mossies, birds, plastic bottles, apple cores) their way into cricket's hall of fame (and shame) also be relegated to the history of "also rans"? yes. and all this before the game is played!
winning this match will garner a lot of praise and commercial contracts for the indian cricketers. once again, they will be claimed by the village, city, state, "mohalla" (suburb, all you hindi-challenged folk) they hail from. sobbing family and relatives will feature on all tv channels - "i always knew he will make me proud! ever since he was 6 months old, he showed signs of being a great fielder/bowler/batsman/captain/wicket keeper/umpire/waterboy/pitch inspector!" i don't know, but it sounds better in the local lingo ("mera family ko bahut proud hai iss pe!").
but, what. if. they. lose?
watch this space, amigos. g'day!

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

obama is indian!!

who will spend all their waking moments keeping track of their neighbours' activities? who will offer help where none is needed? who will convince others to follow their example of interfering in others' affairs? who will smugly announce their success when all they have done is destroy their neighbours' chance of peace and progress? INDIANS!!

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

i really do!

sometimes when i turn on the tv or glance at the newspaper my fellow traveller (he/she may be in the next car, but did i mention i have really good eyesight?) is reading, i think, "told you so". it doesn't matter what information i gather, it falls under the category of "i saw that coming!".